The Continuum of Self
Jan. 5th, 2008 10:57 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cyfishyI am large, I contain multitudes.
--Walt Whitman, Song of Myself
So I've been pondering--a lot--about the nature of my Self in Second Life, particularly in light of the fact that I now have more than one self running about in there.
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sophrosyne_sl observed that my RL and SL selves are relatively contiguous. And it is indeed, quite true. My fleshy self and my avatar self have the same tastes and interests. We're both a bit on the reserved side until we feel comfortable in a situation. We're both thrifty with our money, though prone to the occasional splurge. We're both happy as clams to just wander and explore strange new places without needing anyone else around. The only SL sex I've had was with the avatar of the person I was involved in a RL relationship with. Even the body I initially settled in (and still wear part of the time) bears a certain resemblance to my RL self.
But does any of the above necessarily make me any less of an immersionalist? (The terms "augmenation" and "immersion" are defined here, if you're lost.) Is it a hard-cut requirement for immersion that your SL personality must differ significantly from your RL one?
Granted, I have revealed RL details within the world, things like the fact that I'm doing laundry, or drinking wine, or that I have to go to bed early because I have a job interview the next day. But it's not something I do as a matter of course and the more intimate the details, the more likely I am to take it to IM. I genuinely prefer to talk about inworld things--places to go, things to do, games to play, and so on. Or even RL in the abstract sense--philosophy, art, world events, things that aren't dependent on Who I Really Am.
Each time someone reveals some RL detail to me, it's a bit like learning how a magic trick is done. One part of me is genuinely fascinated and curious. But another part of me mourns the loss of the illusion. It's a curious line to walk. I would certainly never forbid somebody to tell me their truth, but I don't feel a need to drag it out of people.
Obviously the line gets blurrier when I'm dealing with people I know in RL. Then I know far more and sometimes have to be careful not to accidentally reveal things that the individual may not want known.
I think the fact that I do know certain avies in RL (indeed, I maintain that I wouldn't be as active in SL as I am now if I hadn't met Miles in the flesh when I did) holds me back from total immersion. But I find myself increasingly veering towards exploring the inworld possibilities and creating a genuine Second Life for myself.
Even though the personalities of the flesh and the avatar are similar, the experiences of the flesh and the avatar are quite different. Even though we also have in common that we own property, only in Second Life was I able to build and furnish my own house by conjuring shapes out of the ground. I can barely sew a stitch in RL, but just the other day I was able to make myself a dress in SL. And let's not forget the fact that I change genders the way other people change outfits. (Though I don't seem to be significantly different as either sex--the only thing that really changes is what pronoun I use when I emote.)
And then there's Ms. Beginning Thursday, who adds a whole other layer to the SL experience.
Again, this is where it gets a bit odd and I do apologize for any slips of the sleight of hand as I detail my thoughts here.
Beginning is a little closer than CyFishy, I think, to the concept of a digital person. Beginning has less of a RL history, because all that history "belongs" to CyFishy. Initially, when I was operating Beginning, I felt a bit deceptive as I was pretending, in a sense, to be newer to this than I actually was. Once in a while I'd reveal in IM that I was less of a newbie than I seemed to be. And I told one or two avies that I was "really" CyFishy.
But over time, Beginning has become a slightly different person than CyFishy. Her appearance is somewhat different, as a deliberate choice. (I have one me-who-looks-a-bit-like-me already, and didn't feel a need for two of them.) She's a bit more sociable, and more likely to friend people she just met. She's a little more fashion conscious than CyFishy. And while she is grateful for CyFishy's help, she also seems to have an independent streak that drives her to try and make it on her own. But she adores CyFishy utterly and wants to be that cool when she grows up.
When I'm operating Beginning, my head is in a slightly different space than when I'm operating CyFishy. It's not a complete shift--I'm still me, in many ways--but there's a subtle sense of other aspects of me coming out to play.
I would like for Beginning to meet Miles. I'm curious to see how they'll react to one another, if Miles will truly understand that even though Beginning has the same operator as CyFishy, that Beginning is not quite the same person.
EDIT: And no sooner said than they finally met last night.
It did not go quite the way I expected. Then again, when dealing with Miles, I should really be used to that by now.
I won't go into the details of the conversation except to say that it was ultimately beneficial, in that it cleared up a misunderstanding that had been festering between us for some time.
But I was forced to the microphone, if you will, and the persona of Beginning had to step aside while we communicated, fleshy self to fleshy self.
Though, ironically, the fact that I was attempting to be detached and Miles was having none of it was what drove the conversation in the direction it took that allowed things to be clarified.
Perhaps I'm not cut out for immersionism.
Strange world this is. Strange world indeed.
--Walt Whitman, Song of Myself
So I've been pondering--a lot--about the nature of my Self in Second Life, particularly in light of the fact that I now have more than one self running about in there.
sophrosyne_sl observed that my RL and SL selves are relatively contiguous. And it is indeed, quite true. My fleshy self and my avatar self have the same tastes and interests. We're both a bit on the reserved side until we feel comfortable in a situation. We're both thrifty with our money, though prone to the occasional splurge. We're both happy as clams to just wander and explore strange new places without needing anyone else around. The only SL sex I've had was with the avatar of the person I was involved in a RL relationship with. Even the body I initially settled in (and still wear part of the time) bears a certain resemblance to my RL self.But does any of the above necessarily make me any less of an immersionalist? (The terms "augmenation" and "immersion" are defined here, if you're lost.) Is it a hard-cut requirement for immersion that your SL personality must differ significantly from your RL one?
Granted, I have revealed RL details within the world, things like the fact that I'm doing laundry, or drinking wine, or that I have to go to bed early because I have a job interview the next day. But it's not something I do as a matter of course and the more intimate the details, the more likely I am to take it to IM. I genuinely prefer to talk about inworld things--places to go, things to do, games to play, and so on. Or even RL in the abstract sense--philosophy, art, world events, things that aren't dependent on Who I Really Am.
Each time someone reveals some RL detail to me, it's a bit like learning how a magic trick is done. One part of me is genuinely fascinated and curious. But another part of me mourns the loss of the illusion. It's a curious line to walk. I would certainly never forbid somebody to tell me their truth, but I don't feel a need to drag it out of people.
Obviously the line gets blurrier when I'm dealing with people I know in RL. Then I know far more and sometimes have to be careful not to accidentally reveal things that the individual may not want known.
I think the fact that I do know certain avies in RL (indeed, I maintain that I wouldn't be as active in SL as I am now if I hadn't met Miles in the flesh when I did) holds me back from total immersion. But I find myself increasingly veering towards exploring the inworld possibilities and creating a genuine Second Life for myself.
Even though the personalities of the flesh and the avatar are similar, the experiences of the flesh and the avatar are quite different. Even though we also have in common that we own property, only in Second Life was I able to build and furnish my own house by conjuring shapes out of the ground. I can barely sew a stitch in RL, but just the other day I was able to make myself a dress in SL. And let's not forget the fact that I change genders the way other people change outfits. (Though I don't seem to be significantly different as either sex--the only thing that really changes is what pronoun I use when I emote.)
And then there's Ms. Beginning Thursday, who adds a whole other layer to the SL experience.
Again, this is where it gets a bit odd and I do apologize for any slips of the sleight of hand as I detail my thoughts here.
Beginning is a little closer than CyFishy, I think, to the concept of a digital person. Beginning has less of a RL history, because all that history "belongs" to CyFishy. Initially, when I was operating Beginning, I felt a bit deceptive as I was pretending, in a sense, to be newer to this than I actually was. Once in a while I'd reveal in IM that I was less of a newbie than I seemed to be. And I told one or two avies that I was "really" CyFishy.
But over time, Beginning has become a slightly different person than CyFishy. Her appearance is somewhat different, as a deliberate choice. (I have one me-who-looks-a-bit-like-me already, and didn't feel a need for two of them.) She's a bit more sociable, and more likely to friend people she just met. She's a little more fashion conscious than CyFishy. And while she is grateful for CyFishy's help, she also seems to have an independent streak that drives her to try and make it on her own. But she adores CyFishy utterly and wants to be that cool when she grows up.
When I'm operating Beginning, my head is in a slightly different space than when I'm operating CyFishy. It's not a complete shift--I'm still me, in many ways--but there's a subtle sense of other aspects of me coming out to play.
I would like for Beginning to meet Miles. I'm curious to see how they'll react to one another, if Miles will truly understand that even though Beginning has the same operator as CyFishy, that Beginning is not quite the same person.
EDIT: And no sooner said than they finally met last night.
It did not go quite the way I expected. Then again, when dealing with Miles, I should really be used to that by now.
I won't go into the details of the conversation except to say that it was ultimately beneficial, in that it cleared up a misunderstanding that had been festering between us for some time.
But I was forced to the microphone, if you will, and the persona of Beginning had to step aside while we communicated, fleshy self to fleshy self.
Though, ironically, the fact that I was attempting to be detached and Miles was having none of it was what drove the conversation in the direction it took that allowed things to be clarified.
Perhaps I'm not cut out for immersionism.
Strange world this is. Strange world indeed.
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no subject
Date: 2008-01-06 06:52 pm (UTC)May I friend your LJ, by the way?
no subject
Date: 2008-01-06 08:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-07 01:19 am (UTC)I find myself worrying for Beginning, and wondering how *she* fared in that encounter - but that's my own prejudices showing.
In my own way, I'm a pretty hardcore Augmentalist - I know people play in the atomic world, and have separate lives there, but I just can't bring myself to hold them in quite the same value.
*shakes her head*
but, being pioneers of the weird is a big part of the appeal, isn't it? That's what separates SL - especially SL as Argent sees it - from the corporate cookie-cutter creativity-free spirit sucking worlds, digital and atomic alike...